Polish Dating Rule Book

Of  course, if you are living here for half a year and you don’t have a significant other back home, you will start going out with people at some point. And there is a great likelihood that your eyes will turn towards the locals. Dating cross-nationally may be a great adventure, but it is always better to have some guidelines at the beginning: that’s why we have prepared fo r you a teeny-tiny rulebook of Polish dating.

When to ask out?

Well, so you’ve met. At a friend’s party, in a pub, on a dating app. The chemistry is undeniable (or at least it seems like it after these couple of shots you’ve shared), you finally exchange phone numbers (yup, contact on whatever social media app which is hip at the moment can be ambiguous, phone number means success!)… What’s next?

• Talk a bit. After proverbial 48 hours of solid (which means a few times a day) small talks (can take longer depending on one’s personality) you will be sure that you want to hang out in the real life. It will also give you some time to charm enough the other person!
• Don’t take too much time though. If you wait more than 4-5 days with suggesting a meeting, your date will be authorized to think that you are not interested!
• Who should ask first? When it comes to heteronormative couples, usually (still) the guy is expected to be the one to ask out for a date. The good news is, they are usually up for the task and they do not hesitate to make the first move. However, if they seem to linger, it is totally fine for a girl to take the initiative!

Where to go?

If we are talking about the first date, the perfect environment would be a pub; however, right now, on a lockdown, it may not be easy to find one. Don’t worry though – just be creative! There are always parks in which you can take a walk and have a coffee (or a well concealed drink!) Generally, pub (as a chilled place) is a good option because it usually defines the length of a meeting but at the same time allows for flexibility – you can always just propose another drink!

It is well seen if the third date takes place at a dinner table. If you are brave enough, you can cook it yourself and invite your date over. Otherwise, take them to a nice restaurant or order a takeout there – no need to be super fancy, but it is important to choose a place with the pleasant ambience and decent food!

You want something in between the second and the third date, not to be too official? Invite your significant other for a party or a gathering with your group of mates.

Who is paying?

Well, once you are on a date and especially when the date goes smoothly, at the end an important question appears: who is paying? There are some circumstances you should take into consideration:

• If you are inviting someone for a dinner, you are obviously expected to take care of the bill. If the invited person offers to split the bill, that’s only to be polite – and you should treat it that way, as a courtesy and a rhetorical question!
• Rules of modern dating allow to split the bill on a second date, if it is being proposed, but if a guy lets a girl pay for herself on the first date – that’s just bad manners. If you find yourself in such situation – be aware that it has nothing to do with Polish dating culture.

When to kiss?

That obviously depends on the vibe, but also on what impression you hope to leave.

Generally, nowadays it is common to kiss your date the first time you go out, but it is better if it takes place at the end of the meeting – for example, a goodbye kiss is a good idea. Trying to kiss someone during the first date – over a drink or a meal – it may come across as either needy, or simply awkward.

If you prefer to be old-fashioned (which is quite sexy in our opinion), it is perfectly cool to wait till the second or the third date (especially if you want to get to know someone better and to minimalize the risk of having the kiss rejected.)

If the fourth or fifth date passes without a kiss, that probably means you guys have entered (or are currently entering – last call!) the friendzone…

When to invite over?

This is a similar dilemma. Some people invite their dates over on the first date, others – after the third meeting, some wait much, much longer… Everything depends on your personal background: upbringing, system of beliefs, mindset, temperament… and circumstances.

There are no rules or guidelines really, but you can observe three general tendencies in modern dating world:

• After 3 dates, you could invite someone – or get an invitation – for a home-cooked dinner. Yup, that is a sign it is a more serious date!
• Coming home from a party together – that could happen on any date; but be careful: if it is the first time you meet somebody you should probably think twice before going to a house of a stranger after a solid amount alcohol. Giving yourself a free pass only because (especially if!) you are on Erasmus could be simply dangerous.
• After two-three weeks: if you don’t belong to people who count every date and treat each meeting as a milestone but rather see each other more frequently and casually –  ending up spending a lot of time together – then a few weeks of dating seems to be a good moment to invite your sweetheart over!

These are just some observations of ours – for sure you will identify your right moment coming without any problem!

When to introduce and what does it mean?

Well, being a foreigner abroad, you have limited options when it comes to ‘whom to introduce my partner to.’ The friends who really know you are far away; the mates you have here are not always as significant as you would want them to; introducing to a family via online meeting often seems awkward… What is well-seen and how to interpret the moves of the other side?

• Friends: when it comes to friends (or acquaintances), you may bring your sympathy to a party, a picnic, or a gathering over a beer. No party or beer outside is around the corner? Plan it yourself – invite everyone for a cooking session! Usually, a good moment to introduce the person you are seeing to your friends is after a few weeks of dating.
• Friends at home – well, if you decide to do that… your significant other will get the memo that it is something serious, so don’t rush it!
• If you decide to present somebody to your family (well, especially to your parents; with siblings the situation is more chilled) at some point, be aware that usually in our culture it means taking it to the next level, or at least heading in the same direction together!
• What does it mean when you are being introduced to their friends? Well, this actually can mean many things, so you do not need to think it over ten thousand times, but for sure it means you guys are doing well!
• If you are being introduced to the parents, it usually means that the other person is quite serious about you. Of course, people have different relationships with their parents; but even if some folks are more laid-back and easygoing than others, it is usually a privilege and a sign of respect to get to know the Polish family (if you meet Grandma… wow!) Don’t blow it – if you are being invited in advance (and even if it is just for a more formal tea party) it is well seen to give the ladies some flowers!

Having read this article, you should feel at least a little bit more comfortable in Polish dating world. Now, put a smile on your face and head out to meet some new people!